Not so long ago, the perception was that only children were unhappy souls: lonely, shy, unsociable, and often bullied. This was partly because there were times when having one child in a family was considered unusual. And as those who observe any kind of animal know, unusual individuals are usually separated from the pack.
Today, things are different. Since the late 1960s and 70s, the birth control pill, women's increasing control over their lives and IVF have led to parents planning their families and often choosing not to make them particularly large. The single child was no longer so conspicuous.
But the stereotype has been persistent - so much so that many people still
feel anxious about it: parents worried about whether they have deprived their child of sibling experience, only children worried that they may have missed out on an important part of their development. These concerns need to be addressed, as the downward trend in the number of families shows no signs of abating.
According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), women born in 1935 had an average of 2.42 children, while those born in 1969 had only 1.91. Women born in 1984, the most recent ONS sample, now have an average of 1.02 children (although as modern women often have children at an older age, this figure may increase slightly).
According to Statista, as of last year there were 3.7 million single parent families in the UK - just over 45% of the total. Based on current figures, it is estimated that by 2031, half of all British families will be raising just one child.
Reasons to have only one child
As a clinical psychologist with more than 40 years of experience working with families and children, Linda Blair assures parents that having one child now is a great decision, and here are some reasons why.
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First, the stigma (or stigma) that was the source of so much developmental difficulty has disappeared because of the numbers game. It's just that the absence of siblings has become much less unusual, and the likelihood of them attracting unkind attention has decreased. This is especially nice because a child who is bullied will avoid socialization, depriving themselves of the opportunity for socialization that they had less of initially.
Second, the data that gave the stereotype of the ill-adjusted, unhappy only child the appearance of scientific validity have been debunked. Much of this data came from questionnaires that the American psychologist E. У. Bohannon conducted among 200 adults in the late 19th century.
Bohannon asked respondents to tell about characteristics of only children that they noticed. Based on this "research"-based on second-hand opinions, biased wording, and no control group-Bohannon concluded that only children tend to be spoiled, selfish, intolerant, and self-centered.
Why this description lasted so long is still unclear, but it may be partly due to the fact that Bohannon was a protege of the hugely influential psychologist Granville Stanley Hall. Hall reportedly argued that "being an only child is a disease in itself."
More recent, better-designed studies have, not surprisingly, completely failed to support these claims. A meta-analysis of more than 100 studies published by Tony Falbo of the University of Texas at Austin found that, overall, the characteristics of children with and without siblings did not differ significantly. Yet, surprisingly, the myth of the unhappy lonely child persists.
New research
This is not to say that there are no differences between single children and others. For example, a recent study in China by scientists Junyi Yang and Xin Hou found that lonely children are often more competitive and less tolerant of others, but they also develop better lateral thinking and are more content to spend time alone.
And while having siblings has its benefits - lots of unsupervised socializing and the resulting development of social skills - it also has drawbacks, including childhood jealousy and less access to parental attention.
Often people's worries about one child are carried forward into the future. Isn't it better to have siblings with whom to share memories in adulthood and who can make it easier to care for elderly parents should the need arise? Perhaps.
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"I have worked with many only children who complain of fatigue while caring for their parents in their more mature years. But I would counter them by pointing out that the most serious relationship problems I have encountered in my clinics are not between married couples, but between adult siblings when it comes to sharing the responsibilities of caring for parents and who is entitled to what after their death," says Linda Blair.
Finally, are
happier parents with many children than those with just one? Apparently not. A study by the London University of Economics and Political Science, involving Britons, Germans and Danes, found that subjective well-being peaks after the birth of the first child, but then - for mothers, though not significantly so for fathers - well-being gradually declines with the birth of subsequent children.
Parenting
When it comes down to it, there are advantages and disadvantages, and any problems a child has can be offset by skillful
education. This is perhaps the main thought for mothers and fathers concerned about this issue: nothing stands still.
If it's an only child, helping them learn to share and prioritizing flexibility - even allowing for some disruption - in the scheduling of the day is very helpful, as these are skills that children with siblings take for granted.
It may soon be the norm to have only one child in the family. Stigmatization has weakened considerably, but some still have their own self-doubts.
"To these parents, my advice is: think about the number of children - if you want to have children at all - that seems right for you, and if possible, ignore the unfounded stereotype of the lonely and awkward "only" child. Happiness and well-being depend on many factors. What matters most to children is not how many siblings they have, but how they are raised: whether they know they are loved for their uniqueness, and how happy and well they perceive those who raise them," says Linda Blair.